So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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