It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
