there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
