The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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