It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
