You're completely useless in the revolution.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
