I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
