I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
