i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
