I can text with my tongue
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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