i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
