Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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