dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
