i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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