3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
