why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
