Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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