is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
