I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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