Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
