I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
