so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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