I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
