My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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