but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
