And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
