R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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