i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
