listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
