i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
