either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
