So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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