If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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