Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
