He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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