they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
