By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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