What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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