I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
