There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
