I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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