Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
