meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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