I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
