I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
