they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
