you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
