then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
