Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
