It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Swine flu. Run for my life!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize