Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize