If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
