hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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