yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
