The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
