i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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