Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
