I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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