Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
