Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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