She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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