I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
