I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
