In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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