I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have tasted many bathrooms
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
