new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I licked your asshole in confidence.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
