College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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