I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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