We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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