I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
