Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
