Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
