I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize