Got a toothbrush?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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