Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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