you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
